Brought to you by Carolyn Burke, M.S.W., R.S.W.

Dealing With An Angry Person

An individual and family therapist who has provided professional counseling services to adults, children and families for over 10 years A
This advice is general and should be viewed with the intent that this will not support every case. Carolyn advises based on a general experience. If you are in this situation you may want to approach a professional with regard to your own situation. This advice is something that you may try to support you in your efforts Key Points

Consider the following points if you are dealing with an angry boss:

When dealing with someone else's anger it is important to check in and take space yourself in needed, as you can always come back to the situation later once you have had a chance to regroup

If you are dealing with the situation in the moment begin by breathing deeply and do not engage in further conflict or arguing.

Take a step back and acknowledge the angry person's point of view. Empathize with them and their situation before sharing your view and be with them as they speak.

Decide if the person you are dealing with is in a space to hear your view or if it is better to let the heat pass until they are able to listen more openly.

If you decide to share your point of view, be sure to state the facts and when sharing your feelings it is helpful to use "I feel..." statements, there by owning your feelings.

Be mindful of the type of language you use, as you want to convey responsibility for your feelings with your words. This will reduce the likelihood that the person will react emotionally. For example rather then saying "I feel manipulated by you" which tends to place the blame on the other person, you can say, "I feel nervous/uncomfortable/scared/confused when you raise your voice like that. I want to listen to you and understand your perspective, but it is really hard when you are so angry."

Keep in mind that anger is actually unexpressed sadness, hurt, guilt, fear or shame and this may help you to have compassion for the person and for yourself when you are feeling angry.

Consider This...

The more that we can operate on the basis that 'it's not all about you' the better off we can handle the moment to moment and day to day issues that arise. All too often we are juggling so many things in life that when one ball drops or is not supported we take it personally. Do what you can to do your best and stand in your knowledge of that. The rest is not up to you. Taking everything personally is a fast track to stress disorders, high blood pressure and reduced overall longevity. Think about that next time someone is off base with you...